I crapped my pants just thinking about thinking about writing about this video

FEAR. You know that shadow you see out of the corner of your eye? That sound you hear when you're home alone? When the hair on the back of your neck stands up for some inexplicable reason? Well, stop freaking yourself out because it's nothing or something dumb and useless like a possum. Seriously give me a reason why possums exist? That's what I thought.

As for this, I like it. It's supposed to be a short opening credit sequence for a made-up movie, and I really like how it came out. First I pitched a lot of movies to myself like I was sitting in some movie studios office and they were glaring at me like I had just taken a dump in the backseat of their car. Thriller that takes place in a creepy forest? BLAH! Action film with a focus on awesome car sequences? BLAH! Vin Diesel has this genre locked down so I can't compete. Prison movie about a prisoner with a heart of gold? BLAH! I want action, but wait...lets toss in some monsters, awesome dudes, and a hot babe? It has to at least to better than the smegma that is Date Movie, Superhero Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Please Shove A Hot Iron Into My Pupils Because Of These Damn Movies Movie.

So I found an awesome picture of a scary ass brick wall because prisons aren't scary. What goes on inside prisons is scary. Prisons look too clean now instead of murdertoriums so I had to find a creepy ass wall. Made everything dark, and just used some camera moves and lighting to made it look creepy. Matt Damon stars in it because he is Jason Bourne so he can kick ass and still make your girlfriend want to come and imagine him naked. Dwyane Johnson is in it because the Rock needs to stop wearing tutus and get back to ripping peoples heads off their shoulders while dropping a catchy line that you grin. Charlize Theron is hot when she is not in "Monster" mode so she's in it easy. I would toss in Kristen Bell or Natalie Portman, but then everyone (guys and girls) would be too busy fantasizing about them to focus on the movie and can't have that.

Toss in some awesome music from the game BioShock, and time it up with what happens in the trailer and you get a great atmosphere. Not to mention the thumping from some unknown monster, and the bloodcurtling scream unleashed at the end and I need a new pair of underpants, and the theater maybe needs a new seat and a HAZMAT team.

And in case this blog ever becomes any kind of popular (it won't)...NO NOTHING NEEDS TO BREAK THROUGH THE WALL AT THE END! I KNOW SOMEONES GOING TO SAY IT! USE YOUR DAMN IMAGINATION INSTEAD OF HAVING SOMETHING BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD!

I'm also going to give it an open-ended ending so I can claim that I'm edgy and want the audience to really think about it, when really I just couldn't decide on an ending.